dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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