I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
