She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
