YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
