I accidentally burped into my bong.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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