No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
