And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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