So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
