I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
