Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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