Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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