I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
