He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
