I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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