I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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