If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
