She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
