she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
