guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
where are you?
Hypothermia
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
