I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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