Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
