I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
