The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
