You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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