It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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