So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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