If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
