Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
