Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
