Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
