areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Semen is not good for contacts.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
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