Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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