We won't sleep together?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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