I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
