Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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