I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
