so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
