so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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