From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
