Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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