I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
