just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
