I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
