I just saw a hot homeless man
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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