I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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