I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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