But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I wish I only lived at night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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