Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
