So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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