I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I could make wine with my vomit
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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