I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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