what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
