is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
