: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
