You're a womanizer and a bitch.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
